Preggers Note to Self: Don’t Be a P*ssy

Most “Mommies to Be” partake in a list of new activities that usually include the following: stroller shopping, sponge painting baby ducks onto walls in the neo-nursery, researching holistic hair dye, and avoiding sushi restaurants like the plague. Now, not to toot my own horn, but I was never one to follow the herd; preferably, I tend to prance to the beat of my own drummer. So what’s on my weekend pregnancy agenda? CUTTING METAL. Yup, that’s right, folks. My previous Saturday included throwing some Bon Jovi on max, firing up a power tool, and sawing this mother in half! By now you may be asking, “Isn’t this a job for this crazy b*itch’s husband?!” The answer is NO. Just ‘cuz my body is female enough to provide for another life doesn’t mean I have to p*ssy out on the household chores. So now I have a question: WHY ARE YOU PAYING SOMEONE ELSE TO DO THIS SH*T WHEN YOUR BUMP IS BARELY SHOWING?!?! I have a self-confessed Louboutin addiction to support, not to mention a little bugger who’s about to spring from my lady lumps in 8 months. If skimping on outsourcing manual labor is going to keep pricey Scarlett soles on my feet and French lessons beginning at Age 3 for my small frye…..SO BE IT.

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